DD/orders

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Orders for the Baltimore Crabs

The following items have been logged in the “Delivery” section of the Baltimore Crabs’s annual expense report, and have been delivered by DD:

1 canister of black spray paint, 1 canister of red spray paint, 1 tin of rat poison, and 1 can of Cheese Whiz

1 small sweet and sour chicken, 1 small beef with broccoli, 1 small shrimp in lobster sauce, 1 large pork fried rice, 1 pint hot and sour soup, 5 bags “just the crunchy soup wontons”, 2 boxes steamed pork dumplings

13 share size M&Ms, 1 share size Skittles

1 LED Christmas tree soldering practice kit, 1 Hlakko k-tip, 1 Hlakko soldering iron, 1 build your own ham radio kit, 1 small spool of desoldering braid, 1 6oz container of liquid flux, 1 large spool of extra lead soldering wire

Enough temporary tattoos to cover a full-grown adult from neck-down.

1 jug of laundry detergent

12 cans of Fancy Feast

As many plastic fairy figurines that can fit in DD’s pockets inconspicuously

1 small ice cream cake with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY FINN” written in frosting

As many bottles of peach-blend wine (very fizzy) as can fit in a salmon cannon

1 container Tide Pods, Fresh Coral Blast scent

2 family size bags of Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos

Mango Madness flavored blood

5 cheesesteak subs (1 no onions, 1 no lettuce no tomato, 1 lettuce and mayo only, 1 onions only, 1 with “wet hot peppers”)

4ft tall statue of a moose

1 pack Camel 99s

8 4 oz jars craft glitter, 1 can compressed air

1 chicken burrito with white rice, black beans, cheese, lettuce, and sour cream. 1 medium sprite. 1 side of chips and guac. one of those tiny plastic cups filled to the brim with chipotle flavor tabasco brand hot sauce. extra napkins.

30 sausage and egg mcmuffins

Lot of 32 Blarbie dolls

1 canister compressed air, 1 Zippo lighter, 1 pack sparklers

1 Carvel brand Fudgey the Whale ice cream cake with “RIV JON HALIFAX” written in frosting

Got2Be silver hair dye, 1 gallon of bleach

1 2 liter bottle Pepsi, 1 gallon milk

[REDACTED]

1 large cookie cake with “WE SORRY KEN” written in frosting

1 can whipped cream, 1 can Old Bay, 1 hot chocolate mix

12 iced Dunkin Donuts coffees with blueberry flavor shots

2 dozen glazed donuts, 1 black coffee

1 peanut, shell only

724 LED Lights, 3 mirrors, a back-up generator

1 SodaStream, 1 gallon milk

3 family size deluxe caesar salads

31 sausage and egg mcmuffins

1 small box of BLEGO food items

1 jar of pickles, hold the pickles.

3 dozen poppyseed bagels, one poppyseed bagel sub seeds for fish food

1 six-pack Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Mountain Dew

45 cinnamon scented car air fresheners

2 bags sour gummy worms, 1 bag black Australian licorice, 1 box strawberry toaster strudel, 1 can mango slices in syrup, 1 package Hostess orange cupcakes, 1 bag Jolly Ranchers, 2 bottles Code Red Mountain Dew, 1 lemonade Slurpee, 1 can Arnold Palmer, 1 bottle lemon-lime Gatorade

6 orders of hot wings, 1 chicken alfredo pizza (XL), 1 meat lovers’ pizza (XL), 1 garden pizza (XL), 2 bottles of antacid tablets, 1 large jug of Arizona iced tea

2 large watermelon, 2 cantaloupe, 12 oranges, 1 pineapple, 8 apples

25 kosher hot dogs (raw)

1 pint of neapolitan ice cream, 1 antique fork

🩳

3 Gallons Apple Cranberry Juice

99 melted sundaes

32 sausage bacon and egg mcmuffins

1 peanut, no shell

One live softshell crab and pair of kitchen shears, delivery instructions: “arrive at midnight under the full moon. Travel to the crest of the Crabitat, equidistant from each eyestalk. Once there, recite the following: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Take the kitchen shears and quickly cut off the front of the crab 1/4” behind the eyes. Drain the blood onto the stadium below. [DATA EXPUNGED]. Return home.”

3 2lb buckets of fish food

1 roll Mentos, 1 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola

1 carton strawberries, 1 raw chicken

5 3lb boxes iodized salt

Blood.

5 chocolate milkshakes, 3 vanilla milkshakes, 2 strawberry milkshakes, 1 cookies and cream milkshake, 1 cake batter milkshake, 1 mint chocolate chip milkshake

5000 finely aged tires, 700 pounds of cigarette butts, a live ball python (included in expense report was a trailer rental)

2 baguettes (stale)

quote ‘as much live salmon as you can buy using Kennedy Loser’s credit card’

2 tubes of burn ointment

One (1) Banana (Note: Returned)

6 Clhristmas mugs that read “I’m the reason there’s a Naughty List” (ordered in July)

party platter of Gliant Store Brand Sushi

1 dozen Maryland blue crabs (live)

1/2 gallon half & half, 1/2 gallon almond milk, 2lb bag sugar

1 lb of red glitter, 1 lb of burnt orange glitter, 2 gallons Elmers school glue

1 7.5 lb container Old Bay, 1 box firecrackers, 2 rolls paper towels

1 large canister food grade CO2

1 64 pack AA batteries
1 64 pack AAA batteries (2 minutes after the previous item was delivered)

1 Sabrina the Teenage Witch DVD box set, 3 boxes microwave popcorn, 1 container seasoning salt, 1 box butter

2 containers of Pillsbury ready bake cookie dough

Unnamed player’s personal dry cleaning

17 eggs (raw), 1 egg (scrambled)

2 tubs of protein powder

2 bags of ferret food

1 blahaj, 1 birthday card reading “happy birthday chorby”, for delivery into the trench

6 dozen eggs, 2 lbs shredded cheddar cheese, 3 gallons vanilla oat milk

3 $50 gift cards to Golden Corral (dropped off at an undisclosed location)

1 “I Got Crabs In Ocean City Maryland” T-Shirt, 1 strawberry-kiwi smoothie