DD

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COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

DD (commonly thought to stand for Doordash Driver or Delivery Driver) is the Baltimore Crabs’ personal food delivery driver, held on retainer as a staff member of the Crabitat.

History

Not much is known about DD, including her legal name, but she is a college student in the Baltimore area. When approached for comment by Baltimore Sun reporters, Crabs pitcher Alston Cerveza had only positive things to say about “DD’s punctuality”, her “propensity for delivering even the strangest of requests”, and “the good fortune [the Crabs] had in poaching her from her previous place of employment”.

DD is known to drive a silver 2004 Toyota Corolla (which, despite being given multiple Baltimore Crabs bumper stickers, does not bear a single one), and can often be seen making drop-offs at the Crabitat after hours. She is believed to occasionally deliver more than just food, but has declined to comment publicly on any of the team’s orders.

Orders for the Baltimore Crabs

The latest items logged in the “Delivery” section of the Crabitat’s annual expense report are featured below, and are updated every time the app refreshes, though all known entries can be found here.

1 blahaj, 1 birthday card reading “happy birthday chorby”, for delivery into the trench

1 container Tide Pods, Fresh Coral Blast scent

1 LED Christmas tree soldering practice kit, 1 Hlakko k-tip, 1 Hlakko soldering iron, 1 build your own ham radio kit, 1 small spool of desoldering braid, 1 6oz container of liquid flux, 1 large spool of extra lead soldering wire

Unnamed player’s personal dry cleaning

🩳

1 jug of laundry detergent

1 Carvel brand Fudgey the Whale ice cream cake with “RIV JON HALIFAX” written in frosting

One live softshell crab and pair of kitchen shears, delivery instructions: “arrive at midnight under the full moon. Travel to the crest of the Crabitat, equidistant from each eyestalk. Once there, recite the following: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Take the kitchen shears and quickly cut off the front of the crab 1/4” behind the eyes. Drain the blood onto the stadium below. [DATA EXPUNGED]. Return home.”

3 dozen poppyseed bagels, one poppyseed bagel sub seeds for fish food

2 baguettes (stale)

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