DD/orders

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Orders for the Baltimore Crabs

The following items have been logged in the “Delivery” section of the Baltimore Crabs’s annual expense report, and have been delivered by DD:

Mango Madness flavored blood

[REDACTED]

1 large cookie cake with “WE SORRY KEN” written in frosting

31 sausage and egg mcmuffins

1 carton strawberries, 1 raw chicken

1 jar of pickles, hold the pickles.

1 canister compressed air, 1 Zippo lighter, 1 pack sparklers

1 lb of red glitter, 1 lb of burnt orange glitter, 2 gallons Elmers school glue

Lot of 32 Blarbie dolls

6 orders of hot wings, 1 chicken alfredo pizza (XL), 1 meat lovers’ pizza (XL), 1 garden pizza (XL), 2 bottles of antacid tablets, 1 large jug of Arizona iced tea

1 chicken burrito with white rice, black beans, cheese, lettuce, and sour cream. 1 medium sprite. 1 side of chips and guac. one of those tiny plastic cups filled to the brim with chipotle flavor tabasco brand hot sauce. extra napkins.

3 $50 gift cards to Golden Corral (dropped off at an undisclosed location)

32 sausage bacon and egg mcmuffins

quote ‘as much live salmon as you can buy using Kennedy Loser’s credit card’

17 eggs (raw), 1 egg (scrambled)

8 4 oz jars craft glitter, 1 can compressed air

1 7.5 lb container Old Bay, 1 box firecrackers, 2 rolls paper towels

1 small box of BLEGO food items

2 bags sour gummy worms, 1 bag black Australian licorice, 1 box strawberry toaster strudel, 1 can mango slices in syrup, 1 package Hostess orange cupcakes, 1 bag Jolly Ranchers, 2 bottles Code Red Mountain Dew, 1 lemonade Slurpee, 1 can Arnold Palmer, 1 bottle lemon-lime Gatorade

13 share size M&Ms, 1 share size Skittles

1 2 liter bottle Pepsi, 1 gallon milk

2 bags of ferret food

party platter of Gliant Store Brand Sushi

2 tubs of protein powder

Blood.

1 small ice cream cake with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY FINN” written in frosting

2 family size bags of Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos

1 can whipped cream, 1 can Old Bay, 1 hot chocolate mix

1 large canister food grade CO2

5000 finely aged tires, 700 pounds of cigarette butts, a live ball python (included in expense report was a trailer rental)

2 containers of Pillsbury ready bake cookie dough

1/2 gallon half & half, 1/2 gallon almond milk, 2lb bag sugar

2 baguettes (stale)

30 sausage and egg mcmuffins

1 LED Christmas tree soldering practice kit, 1 Hlakko k-tip, 1 Hlakko soldering iron, 1 build your own ham radio kit, 1 small spool of desoldering braid, 1 6oz container of liquid flux, 1 large spool of extra lead soldering wire

25 kosher hot dogs (raw)

1 64 pack AA batteries
1 64 pack AAA batteries (2 minutes after the previous item was delivered)

12 cans of Fancy Feast

1 jug of laundry detergent

6 Clhristmas mugs that read “I’m the reason there’s a Naughty List” (ordered in July)

3 family size deluxe caesar salads

4ft tall statue of a moose

One live softshell crab and pair of kitchen shears, delivery instructions: “arrive at midnight under the full moon. Travel to the crest of the Crabitat, equidistant from each eyestalk. Once there, recite the following: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Take the kitchen shears and quickly cut off the front of the crab 1/4” behind the eyes. Drain the blood onto the stadium below. [DATA EXPUNGED]. Return home.”

1 small sweet and sour chicken, 1 small beef with broccoli, 1 small shrimp in lobster sauce, 1 large pork fried rice, 1 pint hot and sour soup, 5 bags “just the crunchy soup wontons”, 2 boxes steamed pork dumplings

1 container Tide Pods, Fresh Coral Blast scent

724 LED Lights, 3 mirrors, a back-up generator

1 peanut, shell only

1 “I Got Crabs In Ocean City Maryland” T-Shirt, 1 strawberry-kiwi smoothie

1 Carvel brand Fudgey the Whale ice cream cake with “RIV JON HALIFAX” written in frosting

6 dozen eggs, 2 lbs shredded cheddar cheese, 3 gallons vanilla oat milk

1 blahaj, 1 birthday card reading “happy birthday chorby”, for delivery into the trench

As many bottles of peach-blend wine (very fizzy) as can fit in a salmon cannon

1 canister of black spray paint, 1 canister of red spray paint, 1 tin of rat poison, and 1 can of Cheese Whiz

12 iced Dunkin Donuts coffees with blueberry flavor shots

One (1) Banana (Note: Returned)

1 pack Camel 99s

1 dozen Maryland blue crabs (live)

5 3lb boxes iodized salt

1 peanut, no shell

1 SodaStream, 1 gallon milk

3 Gallons Apple Cranberry Juice

99 melted sundaes

2 large watermelon, 2 cantaloupe, 12 oranges, 1 pineapple, 8 apples

🩳

1 Sabrina the Teenage Witch DVD box set, 3 boxes microwave popcorn, 1 container seasoning salt, 1 box butter

Got2Be silver hair dye, 1 gallon of bleach

3 2lb buckets of fish food

As many plastic fairy figurines that can fit in DD’s pockets inconspicuously

5 cheesesteak subs (1 no onions, 1 no lettuce no tomato, 1 lettuce and mayo only, 1 onions only, 1 with “wet hot peppers”)

Enough temporary tattoos to cover a full-grown adult from neck-down.

45 cinnamon scented car air fresheners

Unnamed player’s personal dry cleaning

1 six-pack Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Mountain Dew

2 tubes of burn ointment

3 dozen poppyseed bagels, one poppyseed bagel sub seeds for fish food

1 roll Mentos, 1 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola

5 chocolate milkshakes, 3 vanilla milkshakes, 2 strawberry milkshakes, 1 cookies and cream milkshake, 1 cake batter milkshake, 1 mint chocolate chip milkshake

1 pint of neapolitan ice cream, 1 antique fork

2 dozen glazed donuts, 1 black coffee